Endure To The End

I haven't posted in awhile since thoughts on the afterlife is a tough springboard into other subjects. So today I thought I'd bring us back to life, so to speak, with the topic of enduring to the end.

After I got married this phrase hit me particularly hard. I had hit all the major landmarks on the road to salvation: get baptized, receive the Aaronic and Melchizedek priesthoods, go to the temple, serve a mission, get married and graduate from BYU. (Okay, maybe that last one was a misconception). It seemed the only remaining item on my 'list' was 'endure to the end'. This seemed rather daunting. Before there had always been some checklist item hanging imminently in front of me with clear blessings accompanying each item. Now the only items left seemed to be 'endure' and die.

I think the word endure hit me particularly hard after my mission since I could see it's Latin roots. The word 'dura' in Italian means hard. The prefix en usually denotes 'within'. So endure in a way means within hardship. When I looked up endure using the definition Google function (you type in define: 'word you want to look up') the first definition that came up was "put up with something or somebody unpleasant".

I don't want my life to be something I simply endured, I want it to be lived. I don't mean to suggest we walk away from the difficult or the challenging but rather we come to see the way such instances enhance the beauty of our life. Work, for example, can be seen as an obstacle to fun and enjoyment or it can be infused with appreciation for the variety it adds and the way it enhances the enjoyment of relaxation. Marriage can be seen as an unending stream of obligations or an ongoing exchange of love and mutual support. Children can be seen as a burden or endowment filling our lives with love and meaning.

In short I don't like the phrase endure to the end because it suggests we are in a constant state of difficulty and deprivation, that life is something to 'put up with' until you get your reward. Rather I hope to find the reward in living a well-lived life. I recognize the need to live our life in a way that is socially responsible, that minimizes conflict and that enhances our relationships with other people. I think such denotes a good or well-lived life. Such a life is not to be endured but cherished. Such a life doesn't have to be endured to receive one's reward but rather there are innumerable rewards to be discovered in living such a life.

Thoughts on the After Life

I was first going to say that going through a transition of faith often brings one to think about death but I suppose the reality is that being mortal often brings one to think about death. So I assume that all of you have probably given the subject considerable thought-except of course for my friends who are under 25 who still think they are immortal. (Though having past that age myself that is an ever dwindling percentage of my friends.) I also suppose that being a hypochondriac like me can bring one to think about death a lot more than most people since a hypochondriac is very good at being reminded at just how mortal he really is.

When I was a teenager and had doubts about the Church one of the main factors that kept me active in the Church was the fear of death. The Church promised the ability to gain a 'sure knowledge' of key truths and the one thing I wanted reassurance of more than anything else was the afterlife. I remained active and increasingly devout over the following years. While there was moments of peace and fulfillment during this time whenever I faced any sort of health crisis-and being a hypochondriac ensured I had them quite often even in circumstances most people would never call a crisis-that peace was quickly shattered. This particularly came to a head my senior year at BYU where various pressures and stresses in my life brought me to experience more severe physical symptoms.

The stress ultimately subsided as doctors assured me that the physical ailments I suffered from were not caused by any serious underlying condition. I also began to do more secular research on my own mental health and found many helpful tools in understanding the difficulties I faced in this regard. However the experience, which came at a time when I was living the Church as diligently as at any time in my life, made me accept that the Church didn't offer me absolute reassurance of life after death. It only offered me hope.

I realized that hope the Church offered me was still accessible to me regardless of what I believed. I could certainly hope for an afterlife. Yet at the same time for me I realized that hope didn't have to be wrapped up or attached to things that didn't make sense to me. If there was evidence the afterlife was a certain way or conformed to certain rules then certainly I would embrace it but thus far no evidence I had been presented (or that I've been presented since) seemed logically compelling. I feel confident that I am just as likely to die and find out God is a Buddhist, Muslim or Unitarian as a Mormon. I came to accept a hope in the afterlife while rejecting any specific religious concept of the afterlife and to try to live the life I know I have as well as I can.

Now, do I fear death? Of course. I am terrified of death but I always was. I meet few who aren't-particularly in face of a true health problem. I just accept that I can't eliminate it and that I have to focus on living life. However, there are some things I don't fear anymore. I don't fear that I have to believe or think a certain way to assure myself a good afterlife. I focus on how actions will effect my relationships with others instead of fearing how I will be punished after I die for what I do or don't do. I focus on life and when I think of death I remind myself that one, I can't stop it and two that I am hoping for an afterlife. While I see no reason to accept the beliefs of any religion about such an afterlife I honestly believe that if there is a an afterlife ruled by a just, omnipotent and loving God that the eternal significance of what holy books we attributed to Him, the places we worshipped or the creeds we adopted will be of utter insignificance.I also believe we'll all eventually participate in the best possible source of ongoing joy and happiness realized from the very thing that brings it to us in this life-in nurturing positive relationships with our fellow man and increasing in the understanding of our spectacular world and universe.